So respond to what’s in their profile and ask a question or two. ___If you've got your own online dating horror stories, drop them below, or submit them anonymously.

There is nothing worse than reading a joke that isn't funny and then having the fact that it isn't funny, but that somehow someone else thinks it is, explained to you.

Sure, it’s a pain to actually read through profiles and send unique messages to each person, but aren’t you here to find a date?

So you’ve caught on that “hey wuzz up” is generally understood to be an unoriginal message. However, copying and pasting some bizarre, rambling message isn’t going to trick someone into thinking you wrote all of that for them.

We know you’re trying to be “random” or “funny” with your ridiculous message about getting married / having babies / getting divorced / giraffes / or whatever other inappropriate thing you are messaging to dozens of people at once. It also doesn’t trick anyone (other than the slowest people on the internet) into thinking you wrote that totally nonsensical message just for us.

The beauty of internet dating is that we all get to specify what we want.

Respect that and don’t waste anyone’s time – including your own.

You’re better off ditching the crappy, manipulative dating tactics and sending a nice, normal message.

Unless both of you make it clear in your profiles that you are on this site for sex and only sex, keep the message PG – yes, even if there’s a mention of something sexual in the person’s profile, and yes, even if you think your sexual reference is cute or funny or clever.

Oh and just to be clear: Commenting on how a woman could be your Nubian queen or your sweet Oriental flower is not substantive.

Even if you do have a creepy racial fetish, announcing it will do you zero favors (although if you do have a creepy racial fetish, maybe deal with that through pornography and therapy, and don’t bring real live human beings into it?

This is how to send a semi-decent online dating message in nine easy steps.

A one-sentence message probably isn’t saying enough, but you also don’t want to send a novel.

We all want to get laid and we all have our sexual proclivities, and if we like something in particular we may mention it on our dating profile.