Lust is the function of a sinful heart—not just a “single” heart.

That said, there is something powerfully transforming about marriage…

Nothing about lust prepares someone to be a real lover.

There was a time when I had given myself over to the lie that looking at porn, no matter how hard I tried not to look, was an inevitability.

For the first few years of this downward spiral, I was racked with guilt.

Only those who muster up enough faith can call on God to do a miracle, right? I was single at the time and had also bought into the lie that marriage and sexual intimacy were somehow basic rights that had been denied me.

But I was believing a lie about God: a lie that said God can only change the willing. I believed sex was not only a desperate biological need, I believed sexual pleasure was, in a way, the goal of life: a promised land I had yet to enter.

While fantasizing or watching pornography, porn stars were not the focus of my attention: I was.

The porn girls were more or less trophies of my fantasy: their “beauty,” their avidity, and their hysterically euphoric response to “me” was the whole point.

As a Christian, the conviction about my porn use haunted me.

But the idea of completely removing porn from my world sounded like air being sucked out of the room: what would I be left with if I didn’t have this crutch to lean on?

Sex in marriage is something .” Marriage doesn’t cure a desire for porn because even in a sexually vibrant marriage, your wife is not forbidden. The sinful, coveting heart that I had before marriage is the same sinful, coveting heart I have in marriage.

So long as I am vulnerable to coveting, I am vulnerable to lust. For me, porn fueled a life-long fantasy to be desirable, irresistible.

I say all of this not to be “down” on our God-given sex drive, but to put it in its proper place: for only when it is in its proper place that I can enjoy it without it enslaving me. And I am free to pray to God without anger in my heart for “making me this way.” I write this today as a married man.