Not only do you have to negotiate a world of bad dates before you get a good one, you then have to navigate the minefield of what happens next.

Luckily, I'm here to help you deconstruct some of the types of texts guys like me send after first dates/first hangouts/first fucks – whatever you want to call them. Create the pipeline, follow up email/call/text, have your lower quality leads at the bottom and target top quality.

Don't know what his biting sarcasm means or why he's acting so ambivalent? The examples below are texts I've sent in various situations, what I meant by them and what they meant for myself and the woman in question going forward: When I said it: that same night. I've been thinking about fucking you since the minute you walked up the stairs, and yes, I know it's been less than 24 hours since then. What it meant: I'll be very generic when I'm not sure how the date went or when I know I did something wrong. I know we didn't exactly hit it off, but I know it wasn't so bad either. Some leads will die; some will chill in your pipe; some will get qualified. You send this text when you aren't sure what kind of lead she's going to be.”When I said it: two days later.

It's all very exhausting and confusing, especially if you're dating fuckboys.

We like to say we're not, but we're always playing games. This text is specifically to gauge your interest.”And a friend in finance put it to me this way: “It's like sales.

Plus, it's way more interesting than starting a conversation with a random tidbit about your day, like how your boss is an asshole or how your lunch was literally amazing. When I said it: a few days later, mid-conversation.

(This is not a convo starter.)What it meant: This means the date ended back at her place, where we fooled around but didn't finish the deal.

But you have to understand, I couldn't hold it in anymore. What it meant: I'll be obnoxiously sarcastic after sleeping with someone on the first date.

I know this is exactly the reaction you're trying to elicit and I don't care. I want to be a little funny, lighten the conversation and show that sex isn't really a big deal.

If I don't and wait until day two or even three (risky) instead, I'll throw something like this out there. What it meant: This is a girl I slept with after the first date and had amazing chemistry with. Because it was so good, I already feel comfortable telling you exactly how I feel about you physically.

It's kind of cheap and sort of lame, but it low-key gives off the impression you're slightly cultured. Here's to hoping that confidence makes you want to get physical again.

These are the only girls I blatantly admit I had fun to — the sweet, somewhat conservative ones who I know need some validation and who I know I can be too much of an asshole for in my sleep. What it meant: I like to toss this one out there after a silence I know she'll perceive as almost too long.