I needed to be there 100% for the kids and myself, and new romantic partners, whether they know it or not, are just as needy as a new pet.

You have to have the time and energy (and inclination) to work at a relationship. If you were madly in love, knew his circumstances better and felt good about them, the divorce was definitely finalizing soon, and somehow you’d found ways to mitigate the Stress, then I might advise you differently.

I was in my late 30’s and unprepared to spend the rest of my life waiting for him to let go as I watched the good men snapped up by other, younger, women….” As you’ve found, Dan, some of the not-quite-divorced lie to get a little contact.

They might fear rejection; they may not have thought through the consequences.

Today’s quotes came from the following letters Wise Readers generously shared privately and gave permission to re-print: (Letters were edited for length, and some details were changed to protect anonymity.) From a man: …. The most difficult part is deciding whether or not to tell potential dates about my “I’m almost officially divorced” status. I met this really great guy about 6 months after my separation.

We dated for a couple months before she told me she was married but didn’t wear a ring because she felt divorce was imminent. From a woman: I [married young and am now separated at age 27]. I mean, I don’t think I need to tell a man when he just asks for my number that I am in the process of being divorced. At first I wasn’t too interested in him but I went on a date anyways and simply told him that I was divorced. I knew that when I said “I’m divorced” he thought that it was official…

But still, it’s misleading: “I knew that when I said “I’m divorced” he thought that it was official…

I just didn’t want to get into the whole “I’m in the process” conversation.

Should I have one coffee date and see what I think? Eventually, we told them, and about 2 years later our divorce was final…..[He also] knew that it would take me time to re-enter the workforce after having been a stay at home mom to our children, and that after we were divorced I would have no health insurance…

) First off, why are many people so eager to date before they’re divorced—sometimes to the point of hiding their still-married status?

And evolutionarily speaking, women might accurately feel they are running out of time; with every decade past men’s 20s, guys who can snag ever-younger partners do, leaving straight women of their own cohort short of available mates: “….[My now-ex] said I had no right to date because we were ‘still married’, ha!